check it

I was talking to my mother the other day about keeping a "to do" list. She is really good at it. My earliest memories from childhood include her writing stuff down and muttering something like "I better put this on my list so I remember to do it..." and she always managed to get things done. My mom doesn't know the meaning of procrastination. If she even thinks of doing something, it is as good as done. Here, the apple has fallen far from the tree... I can't even see the orchard.
Don't get me wrong. I get a lot done. I am pretty much always busy. And I am not inefficient or anything. But when it comes to getting a specific task done, my body physically revolts, often conveniently forgetting what it was I wanted to do. At some point, I decided to stop fighting it and start keeping a list. In so many ways I am already becoming my mother, so why resist the "to do" list. So I keep lists. All over the place. I have lists on scraps of paper that reside in the bottom of my bag, wrinkled and forgotten. I have lists on my phone that get longer, not shorter. I got a composition notepad that I carry around with me everywhere I go. "oooh, let me write that down so I don't forget!" Yea, right.
Keeping a list is one thing. Using it is another, my friends. Funny thing, I was reading my friend Oliver's column today, and lo and behold, he is talking about the bloody checklist! Maybe it is no mere coincidence; the end of a year, the anticipation of starting a new one and wanting to start with a clean slate, perhaps...
Back to my conversation with my mom... I was asking her how it is that she manages to tackle the items on her list, confessing to her that although I do keep a list, I suck at actually using it. My mom told me about a friend of hers from college, a super smart, creative genius who would keep notes on a stack of paper - when something got to the bottom of the pile, he would throw it out. Then she laughed. "He ended up killing himself."
Note to self: keep checking the list.

oh SNAP! (I've Got The Power)

Ok, I am totally having a love affair with the interweb.. The access to free music and videos is INSANE. Don't get me started on Google Maps. Anyway, this morning, Tosso was asking if I remember that song "I've Got the Power" and presto, I can find it instantly on youtube. Badassss. Absolutely badass. The mixture of anger and innocence is totally endearing. Check it, yo!

friends, family and loved ones...

This holiday season, I am humbled by the great friends and friendships I am so lucky to have and the amazing and generous support I have received from loving family members. So many amazing characters in my life. I can't wait to see what happens next... XO

let it snow

NYC was covered with an awesome foot deep blanket of snow. Now it is a dirty mess. That reminds me of this great image of The Captain (Cole Kutz) and his Second Wife (the amazing Agatha Downing...)

All About ON'D Part 1: Meet The Captain

We recently started gathering bios from the fabulous people behind Otis N' Dwayne which we will be adding to our website along with an EPK and all sorts of other good stuff. But I just can't wait to start sharing so I will be letting it out in dribs and drabs for ya'all here on the ON'D blog. Let's start with The Captain, shall we? The following is from a recent interview:
Cole Kutz was approached by his agent to audition for the role of The Captain in Otis N' Dwayne in 1997. At the time he was playing Hamlet at the prestigious Duke of York's Theatre in London. "After first looking at the script I asked my agent if he had gone completely mad!"  Kutz said in an interview in NYC.  "He then told me that he felt that this film was bound for Greatness, and that I should stretch out & expand - flex my acting muscles as it were, to try to do something other than Shakespeare, which I had been performing exclusively for the past 11 years.  I mean, I was a Purist.  He told me to CAREFULLY re-read the script.  I reluctantly did, but later was overjoyed that I did.  I then discovered how oh so very subtelty this script brilliantly reflected many of The Bard of Stratford-On-Avon's works in oh so many ways!  Otis N Dwayne is indeed a profound statement of current global issues in modern literature, as well as an innovative cinematic masterpiece.  I feel honored to be a part of it". 

it's wind's illusions I recall...

I was walking in Red Hook the other day. It was cold as a motherfucker. Then came the wind. I was leaning forward at a 45 degree angle; it was like climbing a steep hill. Tosso, trying to see the bright side, said, "well at least the wind will be going the same direction as we are on the way home."

"Don't be to sure about that," I said, having observed that the wind often changes, for some strange reason, and I get it gusting in my face, blowing off my hood, making my eyes water, cracking my lips, no matter which way I am headed, as if it is some strange metaphor for my life.

We made it to Fairway with only mild ear pain and loaded up on groceries to lug back in our packs. Froot Loops were on special and I got two huge boxes for seven bucks. Score!

On the way home, luck was on our side, and the wind was at our backs. What a difference. So much easier to walk. But then came the paranoia. If the wind is coming from behind us, then I won't be able to see when some huge chunk of garbage or a garbage can lid comes flying at me. I fantasized about a flimsy section of a corrugated metal wall with razor wire on top, which I was walking next to, getting ripped out and toppling over on me... getting sliced by the wire. Or those chalkboards that stores put out - one of those could totally come flying at me and I wouldn't know it... At least it wasn't raining so I wouldn't have to contend with stray umbrellas spiraling towards me - especially those cheap, two dollar umbrellas that invert at the first sign of wind and lie scattered on the sidewalks after a good rain.

Needless to say, I made it home in one piece where I promptly treated myself to not one, but two bowls of Froot Loops.

Bark at the Moon! Blast from the Past!

Anne's Post of the little doggie howling reminded me of a short film I made in college...

Kap'n Krunch and the Kool Aid Kid Acid Test Movie! We used Ozzy's Bark at the Moon song...

Enjoy!

howl at the moon

Must be some sort of mistake???

RE: 9550-UNF- Otis N' Dwayne

Dear Anne,

On behalf of our Programming staff, I would like to thank you for submitting your film to the 2010 Sundance Film Festival. Unfortunately, we are not able to include it in our program this year. We received a record 9,800 submissions this year, and many tough decisions had to be made in order to narrow the field down to under 200 films. Please know that your work was carefully considered by our team, and we viewed far more worthy films than we had room for in the program. I sincerely hope that this decision does not discourage you in any way. We wish you the best of luck with your film, and we look forward to having the opportunity to view your work in the future.

Sincerely,

John Cooper

Director, Sundance Film Festival

more chocolate love

Applying to film festivals is a bit like standing naked in front of a bunch of blind people - you feel really nervous, excited and vulnerable about putting yourself out there, yet you hope and pray that someone will notice you. Needless to say, we are standing naked right now. This has me feeling anxious and requiring constant comforting in the form of delicious treats. Here are two of the most insanely awesome chocolate concoctions you can buy, both of which I discovered only recently so I hope to have many weeks left before I overdo it and get sick of them and never want to see them again.

This blend of rich, almost dark, milk chocolate, bacon and smoked salt is heaven in a bar. Mo's Bacon Bar is not a cheap chocolate bar but in the grand scheme of things, it does not cost a lot of money and provides much pleasure. I don't know what the chef was smoking when she came up with this one, but me likey!



Ciao Bella makes some of the best gelato this side of the Atlantic - just leave it out to soften a bit before you indulge... This chocolate jalapeno combo has my name written all over it. At first it is all innocent. But veiled in delicious chocolate is a spicy after kick in the ass. Hells yea!

f*ck it, I'm thank full

Ate like a queen although I am broke, drank away my worries in the company of friends and loved ones. I am happy. I am full. I am satisfied.

IT DIDN'T TOTALLY SUCK

IT DIDN'T TOTALLY SUCK is how this comment card from a recent focus group screening begins...



It ends with ... YOU SUCK, EAT A BAG OF SHIT! - We may end up using some of these gems for our marketing materials...

Otis N' Dwayne love it or leave it!

The film that wouldn't die

Otis N' Dwayne is a feature film twelve years in the making I pretty much gave up on finishing it a couple years ago. It was languishing on the bottom of the ocean and haunting me in the back of my mind.

Most of the filming was done and I couldn't make sense of the edit. Ironic since I edit film for a living. As a last ditch effort I put a listing on craigslist offering a $1000 to help me finish the edit.

I got a ton of responses mostly from totally unqualified individuals and then this one....

Hey there,

My name is Kelsey Hoover. I'm a working editor, or editress, as I prefer to be called... I watched your trailer and think you are a madman, and possibly a genius. I'd love to work on the film.

I have my own Final Cut at home, which suits me because I always work naked. I hope that's okay with you, and that you're comfortable with working around a nude editress. Can't say how long I've been a nuditress, really, just that ever since I quit working at Trailer Park and got my own setup at home, I haven't been able to bring myself to put on any clothes. I mean, why bother if it's hot, and you're working alone at home, right? Now I'm at the point where I only work with directors and clients who are comfortable with coming to my house and having me be nude while I work.

You strike me as someone who'd understand. So you should give me a call. 310-592-26xx. If my assistant Ben answers, just tell him who you are and leave a message. And be sure to tell him whether or not you'd be comfortable with nudity. That will determine whether or not I return your call. Sorry, but we do get a few pervs.

I can't wait to hear from you! How exciting!

Kelsey

... Sent by my co-worker Danny as a practical joke.

June 2008 I'm in New York celebrating my birthday with my wife when Curtis (my BFF and screenwriter of Otis N' Dwayne) takes me to a BBQ at his musician friends Anne and Tosso's where we drink beer and they introduce me to something called the "Volcano" - Tosso and I get to talking and turns out he's seen a rough cut of the movie and liked what he saw. I said...

"Hey why don't you do the soundtrack blah blah blah..."

And the rain was pouring down in buckets - it was my first time in Brooklyn, Anne and Tosso have a lovely garden and make a nice BBQ. Part of the building was beginning to flood. I hitched a ride back to the city with two guys named Brad and that was that...

Four months later and I'm back in LA actually found someone on craigslist to help me edit the film. Jose Manuel Jimenez from Madrid, a Spanish feature editor (here's his IMDB page), who truly responded to the trailer, the screenplay and the rough cut and offered to do it for free! What the hell, why not?

My cell rings and it's Anne and Tosso they have some songs for the film. Amazing. The songs are great. I can't believe it - I'd totally forgotten about our conversation that rainy day in June.

Jose's cut is great. He trimmed twenty to thirty minutes of fat from the film, restructured some scenes and broke it up into chapters. Suddenly it's playing and flowing with an energy and coherence that it never had before and WE HAVE ORIGINAL MUSIC.

I can't believe it. We finished the movie. Have screened it to private audiences on the big screen twice now and began applying to film festivals.

Otis N' Dwayne will not die.

I thank my lucky stars for Anne, Tosso, Jose and Curtis. From Brooklyn, to Madrid, to LA we made it happen with email, external hard drives, and file sharing on the internet. I don't even think there was the internet when we began this project. I've never even met or spoken to Jose in person. The miracle of modern technology. The miracle of Otis N' Dwayne...

Sincerely,

Haunted No More

collaboration = antidote

As another birthday approaches, and the weather turns cold, I find myself sitting in a puddle of reflection - what a year this has been. I have had countless failures and limited success. I have had some highs, but mostly found myself scraping the rocky bottom. This year of crap has left this self-loathing Jew with no shortage of material for my conversations in my head that beginning every night when I go to bed and continue from when I get up in the morning. And to top it off, I am actually still quite lucky - I am not lonely, I am in good health and however unfortunate I may feel, I am actually quite fortunate as I do not know true poverty - so you see, I can't even feel sorry for myself; I can only feel like I am a piece of shit.
Pulling myself out of this vortex every day is no small task. Thank god for coffee. Just the first cup, so good, starts me on my way. Time spent in the garden... That is always amazing. Especially when I am planting things or harvesting crops. Now there is a task that I can set out to complete and actually finish. I can stand back and reflect on my work, I can watch it grow, tend to it, and see the fruits of my labor. So many things in life leave me with the difficult task of determining if I actually accomplished what I set out to do and wondering did I do the best possible job I could do. Naturally, I take great pleasure in shredding myself to bits. Don't get me wrong, I am able to give myself credit for my accomplishments and I often brag about being always right to my husband (which he loves) but I still manage to find the poop in the panties when I lie in bed at night and reflect.
Working on Otis N' Dwayne has been an amazing departure from my usual masturbatory lifestyle. This is the first real collaboration I have worked on. What a treat it has been. How nice to work on something that is not all mine. I guess I am sort of a control freak, but that can't really be true when I take so much pleasure from working with other people, getting and giving input, watching something evolve from the inside and from an outside perspective as well.
I have screened the movie for small groups over the last few months. Some people really loved ON'D and others were baffled, some laughed out loud the whole time while others sat confused and distraught. But at the end of the day - here is the amazing part - I saw the glass as half full. I focus on the positive. After all, no one set out to make a movie that everyone will love. Otis N' Dwayne is meant for a certain someone who thinks it's the motherfucking shit, just like I did the first time I saw it and still do after watching it at least thirty times. ON'D is all-or-nothing take-it-or-leave-it. And I am drinking the Kool Aid.
So now, after I finish my long list of stupid fucking fuck-ups and tasks left unfinished and things I could have done better, I hum myself to sleep with the soundtrack of my perverted little movie that I love so much and I so grateful to be a part of.
Signing off, worrying that this is stupid and sappy and wondering if I should publish it at all...

blessed unrest

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable it is nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others." - Martha Graham

Burkeman approves...

I recently posted photos on Facebook from Sunday's screening of Otis N' Dwayne. One of my favorites is of my friend Oliver. He looks skeptical. Under the picture, I wrote "Obviously Mr. Burkeman does not approve of something..." And this, my friends, is his reply... "I have no memory of what it can have been that I disapproved of... The beer was good, the company was excellent, and the movie, in its own deeply horrifying and brain-melting way, was wonderful." All this from a Brit. Cheers to Otis N' Dwayne. Cheers Oli!

private screening at the Parkside Lounge, NYC

It was a great night that ended out of focus but people clearly had a lot of fun... or at least some of them did. Otis N' Dwayne is not for everyone. Otis N' Dwayne, love it or leave it.

It was a cold, gray, rainy night in NYC. We met on the Lower East Side at the Parkside Lounge. This place was perfect for ON'D madness. The bar is a no mess, neighborhood spot that hosts really great music shows and the occasional movie screening. They mixed up special cocktails just for ON'D - the Big Blast, the Otis N' Dwayne and a generously sized Singapore Sling. Plus, we were handing out free Ho Hos, so you know the guests were happy.


The screening went really well. The sound mix was great, the editing was tight - it was the best I have seen it. I am really proud to have been a part of it. We got a ton of positive feedback. After the screening, a bunch of hard core fans hung out and together we hashed out a plan for guaranteed success. Now, as I said before, the night ended in a blur so I can't quite remember the whole strategy that we mapped out, but I am sure that there is something to that feeling we had, the feeling that it is crystal clear that Otis N' Dwayne is on the path to greatness. I hope it takes me along for the ride. I am having so much fun.

free chocolate love

What is it about the ho ho that is so so tempting? Is it the chocolate shell that inevitably flakes off, falls into your lap and onto your shirt leaving a chocolate stain? Is it the super sweet and mysterious cream filling? Who knows what the secret is to what goes into making these tempting treats, but what I do know is that on Sunday, October 18th at 8pm we will be screening Otis N' Dwayne for friends and family AND we will have ho hos a plenty on hand for our lucky guests. Did you just do a double take? What's that? FREE ho hos? So friends, if you have been on the fence about whether or not to crawl out of your cave on Sunday night, surely I have just convinced you that it will be worth it. Here are the details:
Sunday, October 18th
Parkside Lounge - 317 E. Houston Street btw B&C
8pm - Drinks and pre party
9pm sharp - Screening of Otis N' Dwayne
More drinks during and after screening.
Free HO Hos and salty snacks.

fukuda factor part II

Episode VII: Trip to the Darkside
Here is a short by director Dylan O'Neil featuring none other than Mr. Fukuda. In short: HOT CHICKS! BLOOD! GORE! BOOZE! STORMTROOPERS! THE EPISODE LUCAS DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE!
Check it out, yo!

I Get High

I went to the High Line yesterday on the most perfect Autumn in New York day. I am not going to wax poetic about it. It is perfect. Could not have been done better.

Douche Levels Rising

Somehow, I seem to be surrounded by douchebags a lot lately. Looking for some relief, or at least something to laugh at, I found myself at Urban Dictionary, where I found some fantastic definitions for douchebag. Here is a small sampling, but it is definitely worth going to the site and reading them all:
Douchebag - Someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or motherfucker. Not to be confused with douche.
Rob:He kept hitting on my girlfriend at the party, he just wouldnt leave her alone!!
Sam: God, what a douchebag.
Douchebag - A person with a shitty personality that needs to "take themself the fuck down" or "go home and get their fucking shine box." A douchebag usually assumes the form of a hair-gelling pretty-boy but can also be described as an overzealous, pompous, or vexatious asshole that most people wish were killed with a Mortal Kombat fatality.
Damn, i thought "Beverly Hills 90210" won the permanent award for most douchebags casted in one weekly television show, but then someone had to go make that show, "Friends."

Feeling Jewey

In honor of the holiday (Yom Kippur), I ate all day long and felt miserable about all the crap that I have been through over the past year. So it only makes sense that I ended up at theOld Jews Telling Jokeswebsite.

fukuda factor

I met John Fukuda at the Asian American International Film Festival here in NYC a couple of years ago. He has worked with Dylan O'Neil on a couple of projects, including Otis N' Dwayne, and although we never crossed paths at the time, we both lived in the same D.U.M.B.O. loft building back in the day. I recently stumbled upon a short that he is in which is all about Hall & Oates. Now, Daryl Hall was my first super crush. I went to see them in concert when I was in fifth grade. When I moved to Berlin in 1993, I brought only one cassette tape with me: Hall and Oates - Rock 'N Soul Part 1. I wished my name was Sara.

showroom dummies

Otis N' Dwayne is a "typical mannequin love story." So I went searching for other mannequin stories on the interweb. Of course I came across the 1987 classic starring Andrew McCarthy (whom I had such a teen crush on) and a pre-Sex in the City Kim Cattrall. I was extra pleased to find a two-pack offer "one for him. one for her." pairing "Mannequin" with "Kansas" which also starred Mr. McCarthy alongside Matt Dillon. I don't know if I have ever seen Kansas, but I have a hard time imagining anything starring Andrew McCarthy really being "one for him."
But my favorite discovery by far was the song "Schaufensterpuppen" from Kraftwerk which was recorded in German, French and English. Schaufentsterpuppen literally means mannequins, but these silly Germans translated it to "Showroom Dummies" which just makes it that much more awesome. The Kraftwerk website is really wunderbar and worth checking out.

better than Schindler's List

We have done a few private screenings for a few lucky friends. The response has been really positive. We have these comment cards that we pass out after the screening for the viewers to fill out - a little market research goes a long way... When asked to describe the film in their own words, people gave us some great responses - I am going to share a few of them with you now.
"Crazy, funny, really good"
"Instant cult classic"
"Hilarious, arty, dense"
"John Waters - part exploitation film, part art film"
"ummmm.... nuts"
"... fun, dirty and subversive"

Seeking Inspiration

I recently closed my business which I have had for over six years. I am still as busy as ever. I mean, I have things to do (like, um, start a blog) but I find myself trying to fill every minute with a task or a mini-adventure so that I don't have any opportunity to sink into a pit of self pity. Really, if you give me just five minutes alone with myself, I start shredding myself to pieces. And really, I am a lucky person; things aren't that bad. Still, left with this identity crisis, I am in the process of trying to masterfully reinvent myself. I am searching everywhere for the answer to the question: what should I do next?
Now when I say I am searching everywhere, what I mean is anywhere where I can go for free. I have been taking long walks through Brooklyn. In the space of a few hours, I can visit China, Italy, Greece, Mexico, Puerto Rico... I am really into the Brooklyn China Town. It is not as crazy as downtown Manhattan, it smells a lot better (despite the huge selection of fresh seafood that is displayed in the open on ice) and it is huge. I have eaten some good, cheap meals there.
After these long walks - the last one culminated at Coney Island just as the sun was setting - my head is clear, but somehow also filled with ideas and inspiration as well.

b*tches and hohos, that's what's up

The soundtrack I created with Tosso and the help of a few friends, which I will hopefully be able to repay some day, is a mix of funk, salsa, pop, rock, jazz, house... and rap. The rap is hilarious and definitely worth checking out. Let's just say that yours truly didn't have faith in Tosso's rapping ability. Boy did he show me. And yes, that is me cooing in the background.

as one journey ends, another begins

For me, the journey began something like twelve years ago. My friend Curtis Brown was visiting me in Brooklyn and he brought along a copy this movie he was working on... This was back in the days of VHS. A group of about ten or so friends gathered at my D.U.M.B.O loft (my rent at the time was $325.00 a month) to watch Otis N' Dwayne. I, for one, was certainly not prepared for the hours that followed. The movie was mashed together with "scene missing" flashing on the screen every few minutes. I had never watched a film-work in progress before and thought that this was all part of the crazy style of the movie. Anyway, it was more like a collage - a series of images and ideas held together with crazy glue. I really did not understand anything as I watched it. But I didn't care. It was visually arresting and I knew that I wanted to know more and would watch it again some day hopefully.
Fast forward some eleven or so years... Otis N' Dwayne director/producer /co-screenwriter Dylan O'Neil is visiting NYC and drops by a BBQ I am hosting in my back yard with his childhood friend and my old friend Curtis. I start telling everyone about how the two of them made this amazing movie... Naturally, I asked when they planned on finishing the film - seeing as it had been in production for over a decade already. Dylan asked my musician husband Tosso if he wanted to do the soundtrack for the movie and the collaboration was born. Soon after, I started writing songs with Tosso, recording vocals and cheesy keyboards... Over the past year, we created an entire soundtrack of original songs (except for one cover) and scored the movie as well. I never expected to be doing any of this.
We are putting the finishing touches on our baby right now, cleaning up the sound, pumping steroids into it. Soon, we will begin applying to film festivals and raising the funds we need to help finish what Dylan and Curtis started so many years ago.
Welcome to the Otis N' Dwayne blog. We hope you enjoy the ride.