Species Feces

Boy have we been busy. Up to all sorts of things - some fun and some no fucking fun at all.. but here on the ON'D Express, we strive to satisfy your cravings for fun and we leave the shit behind. We do, however, want to stress that there is good shit and bad shit, and we definitely support and nurture the good shit..
First off, some of us crossed over the volcano, and visited the fatherland. Now we all know that the Germans love themselves some good 'ol dirty shit, so we figured, let's do a little screening for our friends and family. We got to use the basement of a great spot Annapam and projected our little mutant picture for a small crowd in the intimate space which is something like 500 years old. I am almost certain we showed the most fucked up shit that the space has ever seen. It was tons of fun, and ON'D picked up a bunch of new fans. Guten Tag, ya'all.

***

We returned to Brooklyn and hit the ground running. Tosso (the master behind the soundtrack of ON'D) had a pretty fancy pants gig with his band, Grupo Irék last week - they played at the Plaza Hotel for Sting and Trudy Styler's Rainforest Alliance. It was a dinner / live auction which followed a benefit concert at Carnegie Hall with Sting, Bruce Springsteen, Elton John, Lady Gaga, Debbie Harry, Shirley Bassey, Mary J Blige... I was rubbing elbows with Christopher Walken and Bette Middler. It was fucking fun.

***

Quite unexpectedly I got a visit from my old friend Curtis Brown and his family yesterday and we had a lovely breakfast in our garden. The visit was short and he had to hit the road and head back north after only a few hours. I gave him the gift that keeps on giving. The best game ever for road trips. The best pastime for people of all ages. A simple game that I came up with - it is something that I call "Species Feces" and the rules are quite simple. Come up with a poop that rhymes with the animal's name from whence it came. I will give you a few freebies and I hope that you will come up with many more..
Here are the obvious ones for beginners:
Cat Shat
Dog Log
Bird Turd
I got a text message at 2a.m. some months ago from the West Coast contingent with two simple words:
Lemur Steamer
And Curtis, the Harvard man, emailed me this afternoon, just a day after our visit, with a few gems:
Budgie Fudgie
Viper Diaper
Gorilla Flotilla
Now believe me, I have lots more of these, but I am going to leave some for you... So let the creative juices start flowing.

Thank You Mr. Jonze

O'ND salutes the NBA

Fun Fact:

The Official Team of Otis N' Dwayne is the Los Angeles Lakers

Don't Go Bogarting The Captain's Farts

Happy 420 Everyone. What's that? We're a day late? Of course we are a day late. Yesterday was 4/20 and we were busy.

Celebrate 4/20 with the Captain!

Nostalgia

I was talking about Betty Davis which lead to watching Kim Carnes' "Betty Davis Eyes" - after which YouTube suggested I watch "I Come From the Land Down Under" by Men at Work. Both were awesome. What followed hit me hard in the middle of my nostalgia nerve. Nena's classic 99 Red Balloons holds a special place in my gut. When I started taking German in the sixth grade, I remember translating the words from the original German version into English. As I watched with Tosso, I was embarrassed to find myself crying. That is, until I looked over at Tosso and saw him filled with emotion as well. And by the way, Nena is so friggin hot in the video. Watch it!

Frankie Ray on The Sarah Silverman Program

Our very own Frankie Ray was featured in last night's episode of The Sarah Silverman Program. In Otis N' Dwayne, he plays the lovable Cousin Leonard and the mysterious angel with a soft side, Logan. Watch him get down with the always hilarious and super sexy Sarah Silverman. The Sarah Silverman Program

Threesome

www.comedycentral.com

Futurama New Episodes Funny Demon Zombie TV Show Funny TV Comedy Blog

Why I Love the Internet : Omar Souleyman

This is the most awesome shit. Amazing. I love everything about it. The sample of Centipede - or some other vintage Atari game - just takes it over the top. Try sitting still while you listen to this.

Snow Day!!!!

I live in Brooklyn, so when nature comes my way, I milk it as much as possible. I took a walk to Prospect Park where there was not only tons of sledding going on, but more snowmen per square foot than I have ever seen in my life, and some of the largest I have encountered, as well. People were building tunnels and forts. I am not sure who was having more fun, the kids or their parents. I went to my favorite secluded spot and was graced with the presence of many beautiful birds. It was a lovely day. I am now back home, nice and cozy, and getting ready for some hot noodle soup! Life is good.

All about Otis Regrets : Tosso Hettinger

Brooklyn based composer, guitarist, multi-instrumentalist TOSSO HETTINGER was born in Augsburg, Germany. Since the mid-nineties he has been performing, writing and recording music with some of NYC's best jazz, funk and underground musicians.
Hettinger performs regularly with the Cuban band Grupo Irék and the singer and percussionist from his band are also featured on the soundtrack for Otis N' Dwayne. He formed Otis Regrets when he began recording the music for Otis N' Dwayne with his wife, Anne Bernstein.
Otis Regrets: Music for Otis N' Dwayne is Hettinger's second film project- he recorded several songs on the upcoming feature Mango Tango. Below is footage from a recent performance with his band, Grupo Irék.

Badass Brooklyn : Part II

I passed by this the other day. So simple. So obvious. So friggin funny!

Happy Valentine's Day, Motherf*ckers!

it's always good to have options

Badass Brooklyn

Snowday!!! Thick wet snow everywhere. Tree limbs tired and sagging under the weight of it. Barely any cars. It was the perfect snowman snow. I took the first picture in Carroll Gardens and the second one is from Mike Spears. He takes great pictures. Check out his blogggg.

songs for the captain

The Captain sure is a special guy. He is quite manly, has a great moustache and his friends love him a lot. So I thought, let's dig up some songs for him. Perhaps these weren't all written for The Captain specifically...



This Styx classic is surely one of your favorite sing alongs. Plus, it offers a great opportunity to show off your air drum skills. The energy level rises, the tension mounts... "come sail away, come sail away, come sale away with me..."



Of course, we have to include The Captain and Tennille in this collection. "Do that to me one more time..." 'nuff said.



Before you head off into the sunset, let me share one more thing. In case you haven't seen it yet, here is a video by yours truly of "Love Song for Captain" which was written for and inspired by The Captain.

oh yea, baby - footsteps in the dark

Mmmmm! Mmmmm! So sexy for you. The music starts mellow, slow, with a groove divine... Nooo, too sexy. Like the person who uploaded this love masterpiece on to youtube said, "Does anyone have peanut butter? because this is the JAM!"

dirty, trashy, nasty...

Here is a preview of what the folks at Cult Reviews have to say about us... "While the filmmakers of this new extravagant trashfest are undoubtedly fine people with a healthy imagination, a film sounding this bonkers just begs for our attention." Check out their website and read the full article here: Cult Reviews

Swiss Magic: Part II

Here is a great little short about two alphorn blowers. It is quite charming. If you have never seen an alphorn or even if you have experienced their magic before, you should check this out.

5 songs to get your juices flowing for V day...

In no particular order, here are 5 songs to make party in pants or out of pants...

No one makes sexy time as sexy as Marvin Gaye. The title says it all: Let's Get in On.



One part Carly Simon, one part James Bond, two parts sexy. The Spy Who Loved Me is hot hot hot and here you can watch the opening credits filled with naked lady silhouettes and guns.



When's the last time you had a good, tongue filled make out session, hands all over the place? Can't remember? Well there is a good chance Mr. Al Green helped to guide you.



Now, even though he is prone to unbuttoning his shirts one button to many and TMI about his sex life with his wife, Sting remains in possession of one of the sexiest voices, for my money, at least. This version has Spanish subtitles - now that's sexy!




I really don't know to explain the next one, but it gives me goosebumps. I can imagine it blasting at some dank basement party, beer and booze smell in the air, stale cigarettes - having to scream really loud in each others' ears just to be heard...

rants from Anne's pants -or- seeking inspiration: Part II

WTF - could our souls be more dead? Selling ourselves to foreign investors in some television induced stupor. Obsessing over surgically perfected superstars - the ultimate sales reps - as we get fatter and fatter. How could this happen? We seem to care less and less. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!! The message is loud and clear yet so easy to ignore. We consume at a mad pace and can't get enough. Think this doesn't apply to you? You may be "better" than your neighbor and what you call "most people" but chances are you still live in the same pit as "most people" do. Without a radical approach, getting off the grid, growing most if not all of your own food supply, it is simply not possible to not be wasteful. And frankly, most people are trapped in their current economic situation and can't afford to get off the grid. So we have all entered into a contract where we agree to just deal with the fact that waste is inevitable - inefficiency is tolerated if not encouraged, and convenience is king. We are masters at justifying every frivolous purchase we make. This is a slippery slope, my friends.

Well fuck that. I don't want to sound righteous. I am as fucked as the next guy. I'm just looking for a way out, or at least a light at the end of the tunnel. I think what we need, specifically in the arts, is a little more "FUCK YOU" and a little less "please, Sir, can I have another?" I want to wake up. I hope I can. Without a rich culture, I fear we don't stand a chance - and for some inexplicable reason, the arts are grossly underfunded in this country. Artists are forced to sell out in order to pay their mortgages and buy all kinds of shit.... Or just to eat. The result is very commercial, dollar driven art. Arguably, some of that shit is great and I gobble it up with the rest of the hungry masses. And if that is what people want, it would be silly to give them something else, right?

Well drag me down Debbie! Somebody help me! Desperately seeking some good fucking shit to feed to my soul. I am not an artist. But I am an art lover, an art maker, an art nurturer. So to those of you who are really fucking talented, I call on you to create some ballsy shit and I will be here, cheering you on, drinking the spicy nectar you create. I need it. We all need it.

Let's Go Get Stoned...

I can't believe I almost passed this by - I was trying to find a video of Ray Charles doing "Let's Go Get Stoned" and I was having no luck. But then I struck afternoon gold: Joe Cocker doing an insane bang up fucking amazing job at Woodstock in 1969. The setting is amazing. The mood, sublime. At one point, Joe breaks out into a mean air guitar, which a moments mutates into air drumming. Talk about practice what you preach. Amen and hallelujah.

the smell of wine and cheap perfume...

Seriously, folks. I get goosebumps from this one.

Afternoon Delight

I'm tired. Not sure why. Walked two miles in the bitter cold... Thought it would pick me up, a brisk walk in the sunshine, but it left me exhausted. Then I had pasta with a meat ragu... I didn't have the energy to chew the last few bites; the food coma set in quick. It's not even 6pm and about a half hour ago, I was ready for bed.
But, oh, my warm, milky friend, you rescued me. Thank you, Coffee. To crave you and then to have you is pure ecstasy.

up up - go further faster...

There are some very creative folks visiting my subway station... They are constantly improving the posters. These are two of my favorites.

why I love the internet

This is some seriously f*cking awesome footage of some dudes yodeling. The scenery is amazing, the mood is amazing. Be sure to listen for the dog...

the sweet smell of ON'D

We're working on ideas for the ON'D lifestyle. Scented candles are very popular these days. We are developing some very special scents...
THE CAPTAIN'S FARTS - A delicate bouquet of beer, Filet Mignon and green beans.




OLD MONEY - polyester, schnapps and carnations lend to the full-bodied aroma.

Tosso the doodler

Tosso likes to doodle. He doodles all over the place. He converts window envelopes into wide mouthed monsters. Every magazine cover in our place has been improved by his inking. A few years ago, his mom dug up some of his old doodles. I think that when I was bored in class, I obsessed about Duran Duran... Anyway, here are two of my favorite examples of his active imagination at work - from way back when.

life goes on: a confession

For the last few days, I have found myself trying to wrap my brain around what is happening in Haiti. When disaster strikes, if it isn't in your back yard, it is easy to ignore, and frankly, it is hard to function on a daily basis if you really allow yourself to feel the weight of it all. On September 11th, the September 11th, I was in Paris. I lived in Brooklyn at the time, as I still do, but was in the French countryside for a wedding and was finishing up my visit with a quick stop in Paris. I didn't find out about the attacks until the morning of the 12th. I don't know how I missed it, but I was on vacation, busy enjoying myself and cloaked in blissful ignorance. When I got back to my hotel on the night of the 11th, I saw people huddled around the TV in the lobby and I thought, what silly folks for watching TV when they are visiting Paris. On the morning of the 12th, my mother in law knocked on our hotel room door. "New York was bombed." She was confused and upset so the message came out all wrong. We turned on the TV and watch the planes hit the towers over and over and over again.
I remember the day I spent in Paris, after I found out about what had happened, after my reality shifted. My body was possessed by it. But those Parisians seemed to go on with life as usual. I mean, people were talking about it, but things didn't seem different. I longed to be home with my friends. I longed to be with people who felt how I felt. We couldn't get back to NYC for over a week. The planes into the city were backed up. We spent a night at a hotel outside of the airport in Paris. It was in a strange little village. The pillowcases had black spots on them and a mildewy smell. The people at the reception desk were rude. We went to a mediocre restaurant, the only place to find food in the village, and took an after dinner stroll on the little cobblestone streets. There was this tree in the middle of the village that was absolutely filled, packed, with birds, all shrieking in unison. A pair of white panties lay on the ground under the tree and there was bird shit everywhere. It was absolutely creepy and we rushed back to our smelly hotel room. We were able to fly to Germany the next day to be with my in-laws. We found comfort in the company of family and old friends. I made a Rosh Hashanah dinner for my German in-laws. I have fond memories of that time, although I was filled with the most intense longing to be home.
I remember reading about the earthquake in Haiti a few days ago. But I didn't pause. I just continued with whatever I was doing. Slowly over the course of the week, it is starting to sink in. I am trying to digest it, let it under my skin. But it hurts too much. So I head back to life as usual... I go out to hear Cuban music and I dance. I love to dance. To be locked arm in arm with someone and be supported in movement and motion is a high - a totally addictive high. In those moments, I do not think about anything. I am in the moment and I am happy.
I remember when my dad died. I was 24 years old. The pain was tremendous and I had never experienced anything like it before. The night before he died, I wanted to call him, something told me to, but I was busy and kept saying that I would call in five minutes. I never called. At two in the morning, I checked my email and there was a note from him. He died a few hours later. Why didn't I fucking call? I remember after the funeral, I was sitting around and laughing with old friends and family. I couldn't believe it, and I was self-conscious at first, but that was when I learned that I was capable of laughing and I knew that the soul was capable of healing itself and I would be able to be happy again.
So here I sit in my apartment in Brooklyn, reflecting on my life, trying to understand what is going on in Haiti. It just hurts too fucking much. There is pain all around us every day. When you pass someone on the street, you don't know what is going on inside their head, inside their body. We go on with our lives as people suffer pain we will never know and we also go on with our lives as we suffer tremendous pain. I am not trying to compare my father's death or September 11th with what is happening now in Haiti. But I can only measure grief with my own ruler of experience.
I will repeat now the lesson I learned when my father died. Suck the marrow out of life. Live your life. Love and be loved. Fuck it. Go for it. You only live once, so you might as well dance.

oh no they didn't...

Sometimes the Germans are so silly. Seriously? Hope - the Obama musical? Yes, they can. Yes, they did.

Mr. Brown

I have known Curtis Brown for close to twenty years. He is one of my favorite people. For reals. He is super smart, really sweet and funny. He doesn't take himself too seriously. He can make me feel so special - you know, the rare type that just makes you feel really good when you are around them, like a happy pill. I am lucky to know him.
Over a decade ago, Curtis introduced me to Otis N' Dwayne. A few years later, he introduced me to Dylan, his childhood BFF, Captain and co-creator of ON'D. Curtis is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
I have been gathering Bios for our website, press kit, etc. and after only a half a year or so of begging, Mr. Brown delivered. I am not going to make you wait that long. Here it is:
Curtis Brown is a Cambridge-based crank, college professor, and literary manqué.    He was educated at Berkeley and Harvard.  He has written feature articles for Bidoun Magazine, the Beirut Daily Star, and the Harvard Crimson; and his countless irritable letters to the editor have appeared in the New York Times, the International Herald Tribune, the London Review of Books, the Los Angeles Times, the Boston Globe, and the San Francisco Chronicle.   He has taught literature at Berkeley, Harvard, Stonehill College, and Haigazian University in Beirut, Lebanon.  His former students include Natalie Portman, and Graham Sack, the human child lead in Dunston Checks In. 
Brown’s creative collaborations with Dylan O’Neil date back to 1985, when they were thirteen.   Otis ‘n Dwayne was written on the porch, on the toilet, and in the shower of the Oakland squat the two of them shared in the late ‘90s. 

The Notorious Jerry D.

Mr. Patrick Hume was kind enough to send us a few words. He plays the amazing Jerry D.
"Born in the Atlas mountain ranges of Tunisia many years ago my life began. And after 10 years of climbing those mountains I moved to the Sahara desert where I became a sand muse performer for all the mirages and people I met along the way. One day I came across a Filmmaker in search of an actor for one very special role in his epic journey of discovery. That filmmaker was Dylan O'Neil, that actor was me, the role was the one and only Jerry D. My dick as my head, my head as my dick and a close call with a gallon of melted vanilla ice cream that was to represent the sperm of man, I survived to tell the tale of "Otis and Dwayne". Enjoy the film and when it hits the theatres of Tunisia, I will be a guest speaker so please join me, it's a wonderful place."

quiet earth

Here's what Quite Earth has to say about ON'D:

Troma meets Harmony Korine in gay android adventure OTIS N' DWAYNE

I don't know how I've missed this, but this retro looking gem seems to have been languishing for a year now. Why? Hopefully we'll find out soon. It's loaded with inappropriate sex and I'm not exactly sure there's much of a narrative, but the trailer is definitely worth a look.

hell yes